Elder mother-in-law refuses to move to assisted living

[emmaverybo]

11. They will have to have proof she is unable to care for herself. If she or family has resources, at

home care and a medical alert system could give some peace of mind. An experienced home health aide—unless skilled nursing needed, a heath aide could do—can fix light meals, interact,
Keep tabs on mom, tidy.

Such at home help might not be needed 24/7.

In the meantime, share your observations with her doctor as needed. Due to confidentiality, Doctor can not share info without permission, but relatives can share their concerns with doctor—who might of course tell patient.

Be sure family is on the paperwork for Med proxy.

See if you can prevail upon your mom to get memory tested (tell Dr. you are worried, so maybe
Dr. will encourage tests) so if you need to step in you can. Also, see if your own Med insurance
offers caregiver advice.

I went round and round with my mom who refused in home care. I decided not to step in legally and risk our relationship. I understand better now that what can seem horribly stubborn, being a pain in the bum, is really a fight for one’s autonomy, one’s dignity, as one becomes more limited.

Living now in a house, mom’s, as I grow older, I can understand not wanting to go into a place and resisting smile taking the reins.

Sometimes I wish I had not argued over getting someone in. It became a moot point.