how to deal with a defiant elderly parent...

[samnsara]

...My parents are 86 and 92 and frail. They are living in the same house they bought in the 70s and haven't done a damn thing to it. So its dilapidated. Its an acre of land that they can neither handle nor keep maintained. Everythings old and torn up....the floor, carpets, counters cupboards..everything will have to be replaced before we sell it. Moms got a Harvest Gold range!

They are 40 miles from one dtr who works full time. My other sis (a nurse) and myself are retired and we life in the other direction..90 miles away...also in my town are 2 grand daughters ( ones also a nurse) and my hubby who is a Pharmacist. Lots of services for them here. NO Sr services in the town they are in now.

Mom and/or dad have had some sort of hospitalization each year..and when that happens one of us kids has to leave our own family and go stay with which ever one is home to help out. Last January I went there for an over night trip to help out and didn't get home for 6 weeks! Also as of last month nether have a drivers license. Now they need groceries brought to them. Hubby works in a pharmacy about 40 miles rom them so hes been spending 3-4 nights a week at their house getting them groceries, supplies, and took them to do banking on his day off. This means I see my husband less than they do! Hubby wants t o retire but feeling responsible for keeping an eye on mom and dad since hes so close most of the week.

So for the last year or so we've been talking to them how they have to move because the hospitalizations are more frequent and frankly I want to spend what last days any of us have closer to them. Hubby and I are even willing to take out the loan for them to get a house near us and then recoup our $ rom when we finally sell their home.

SO...we found a home in a retirement community that we can afford and we are ready to make an offer...... BUT now dad (some dementia, some Parkinsons) is refusing to even consider moving. Moms about in tears as she wants to be closer to family too but dads not having anything to do with it.

We are going to end up losing this house as we only have a cpl days to make the offer.

So..... we are driving the 90 miles to get them in the morning and throwing them in the car and not tell dad where we are going....bring them up here to see the house. Maybe that will show him a better way of living.
My friend actually drugged her parents when they had to fly them to a new home.
Anyone else encounter a similar situation? ( sorry didnt mean to write a book)