Like many of us here, I've lost a loved one to suicide. All of our journeys are different. I remember wondering how I could survive the loss and also feeling horrifically guilty when life first began to have moments of normalcy, as if that meant I hadn't loved him enough. I think that the friend who told me, repeatedly, "You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time" saved my life. If you ever doubt yourself, please tell yourself the same thing. I'm sure it's true.
If you feel passionate about volunteering to help Beto defeat Abbott and make the world better for your daughter and grandchildren, don't let anyone stop you. If you are like me, at unexpected moments something might spark tears--sometimes something as simple as a retail clerk asking how I'm doing or wishing me a good day, or realizing that I'd just laughed, which meant that for a second I hadn't thought about him. If that happens to you, don't be embarrassed. It's normal. Anyone who has ever grieved will understand.
I'm glad you found us and shared what you are going through. I hope it helps, and that you feel that you can keep turning to us. And I hope you know you did heroic work supporting your son, doing everything you could to keep him safe and alive for as long as you did. You loved him well. Some people are cursed with chemical problems with their neurology that no amount of love can fix.
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