I'll be damned if I tell people I had a "slip" but I think I need to go to a meeting.

[Maraya1969]

I hate all this time shit and that was one of the reasons I quit AA in the first place.

But I have been drinking like a fucking normal person for months except for now it is 7:30 in the fucking morning and that bottle of wine is calling me from the fucking refrigerator. The most I have drank in a day is 3 glasses of wine. But I do notice that I want more than one now after buying it, (first I would only have one drink if I was at a restaurant)

I was sober and in AA for fucking 30 years! That is enough to drive a person out of their mind. The constant "we're all sick" shit was making me sick! So I stopped going about 5 years ago.

I still hate AA but I know I need to go to a meeting and I just texted my friend about it. The thought that this shit could creep up on me is disgusting. I do think that if I had been practicing my spiritual self more that this would have never happened and it will probably go away once I get into a good meditation practice again.

And I take my fucking medicine the way I am supposed to. Because I just took a Klonopin and the craving is gone now. And don't tell me that Klonopin is just alcohol in a pill form because I have been taking it or another benzo for 35 years, I have panic disorder and bipolar disorder and OCD and God damned PTSD.

I've also been manic for the last several weeks which could explain a lot. (and explain this post......I fucking know!!!!!) There is just not enough medicine in the world to keep me down.

OK I am lying. I will take that fucking Saphris that I hate so much

OK I took it. Now I will probably end up going to sleep and I don't want to.

Thank you for letting me post in this fucking forum.

Maybe if I just took my damn medicine I wouldn't be in this situation. I fucking hate bipolar disease also. I have a criminal record from being bare assed sober from it. And my doctor told me a long time ago that if they got my moods straightened out I would not drink like an alcoholic. And my mood has not been straight in weeks.

I hate everyone.