Retreads

[H2O Man]

You fucking kids today don't understand retread tires. You call yourself fucking environmentalists. I could puke. When I was your age, I knew the value of a retread tire. My family sat around the dinner table, each with a half a potato on our plate, listening to Old Dad telling depressing Depression stories. We listened intently, secure in knowing if we committed to living in the past, we would get the other half a potato for dessert.

And now you kids and your fucking leftist parents want a new set of tires on the Democratic Party. Demanding new leadership that speaks to your values. Bloody christ, what's next? “We want a living wage, free education, and health care?” All the fucking time ignoring retread tires, as if they don't represent the best we have to offer. Let's get a grip on your fucking gripe!

Oh! So you want inspired leadership? This AOC and Jasmine Crockett have you aroused now, do they? Feeling passionate about the quality of your life? Open your fucking eyes. Former president Bill Clinton endorsed Andrew Cuomo for NYC mayor. Anthony fucking Weiner was running for another office. Maybe try listening to Mario Cuomo's “Tale of Two Cities” 1984 DNC speech. Just don't focus on the social justice part of it. Andrew came out of that man's nut sack is all you needed to know.

Yeah, you want some fucking outsider who can relate to the needs of human beings and other so-called “living things.” You need to check the pulse of reality. Like any outsider you support knows the ropes of insider trading in DC. Get fucking real. Just try watching Andrew's brother Chris debating Bill O'Reilly on his show, which can be found in the remote margins of the internet's retread aisle. I heard they are opening for an Elvis impersonator in Vegas this summer. It's exactly what this country needs today.

I'd suggest you shut your fucking mouth and get to church. Think about the miraculous fact that, out of all the various peoples and places around the world, the human co-authors spoke only about stuff near and around them. They even predicted that things would happen. More, they are Angry God Dad's favorite children. Surely, we must continue to base foreign policy on these proven life lesson. I don't want to hear your filthy shit about starving children in Gaza. Safe to say they are at best Dad's illegitimate children.

I could go on and on. But that would run the risk of being stuck in the present going into the future. That seems like its too uncomfortable to even think about. As a party, we can find true security in being sticks in the mud. We have already lost any wholesome influence in the three branches of the federal government by doing things this way. What do we have to lose?