One of my friends was just sexually assaulted.

[murielm99]

She works at a convenience store/gas station. She goes in early to make the doughnuts. This happened at 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning. Her co-worker did not hear anything, but the guy across the street did, and he called the cops. She put up a helluva fight.

She is forty and she is not married. She has a lot of friends, but she prefers her independence. She and her divorced mom own a home together.

She is my daughter's friend, too. I let my daughter know about it.

Apparently this was done by a carnie. We are having a town festival right now, and there is a carnival in town. The carnie is in jail.

How do I help her?

[elleng]

1. Be 'there' for her;

hold her hands.

Coffee, for the doughnuts?

[Irish_Dem]

2. Ask her. Ask her what she needs and wants right now.

She may be in some shock right now, so go slow.

Tell her that you love her, support her and will do whatever you can to help her.

Perhaps look up counseling resources and victim assistance programs in your area.
Try to help her get medical and psych support.

I am assuming some survivors here on DU can chime in.

[usonian]

3. I found some helpful articles

RAINN has
National Resources for Sexual Assault Survivors and their Loved Ones
https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones

It also has suggestions for supporting a victim:
Tips for Talking with Survivors of Sexual Assault
https://www.rainn.org/articles/tips-talking-survivors-sexual-assault

These two should help.

Psychology Today has some coping resources for sexual assault survivors, optional for your friend.
It came out just post Kavanaugh hearing. (YUCK on that creep)
6 Coping Tools for Sexual Assault Survivors
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201809/6-coping-tools-sexual-assault-survivors

[MattNC2021]

4. "I love you. I'm here for you."

That's the best thing to say. Be available to chat if they want or provide a distraction if they want to. Let them lead the way.

Don't ask "how are you"...because you might not be prepared for what you hear.

(I'm speaking from the perspective of a husband who lost his wife to cancer. I felt the need to train friends on how to talk to me.)

[thucythucy]

5. Is there a rape crisis center in your area?

I found the people at my local center to be incredibly helpful after it happened to me.

[murielm99]

6. Thank you, everyone for your help.

[Behind the Aegis]

8. As a survivor, I will say sometimes we just want a smile or nod of acknowledgment.

Like any group, it really depends on the individual. The above info is a fantastic jumping off point. You know your friend. How do you think she would want you to respond?

I can say too, sometimes, we just need someone to sit with us and not say a damn word. Just be with us.

[Bayard]

7. Make yourself available

Listen, and provide tea.

When she's ready, help her be empowered. Take a self-defense class or two. Go with her. I got away from a guy that attacked me when I was out for a run years ago. I testified in court, got interviewed on TV, and helped organize for the county police dept. to hold a self-defense class.

Sending healing thoughts to your friend.