23 years ago today

[barbtries]

Bekah was killed, walking across the street at the same time an angry drunk was speeding down the road. the driver swerved into the wrong side of the road to pick her up, drag her about the length of a football field away from her shoes that flew off her feet, and drop her mortally wounded in the middle of the street, where she bled out. Then her killer drove on home. No skid marks.

i thought i was doing better this year than at others, and to be honest, I think much of my frustration and angst on this particular day is not about Bekah. It's more about the dark conspiracies about money and governance and what matters. it's about the plumber not making it for the 2nd day in a row and that water came into my house yesterday and we're in the middle of another severe thunderstorm. Mostly, it's about republicans and how they are destroying the country and democracy. even today, a day I traditionally give over to Bekah's memory.

"I'm mad at my country, now I've been treated bad." Laura Nyro

?si=3_qhH17TtwUZ279S

https://www.lapdonline.org/newsroom/hit-and-run-suspect-captured/

[GPV]

1. *hugs*

[barbtries]

10. thank you GPV

[irisblue]

2. I am so so very sorry

[barbtries]

11. thank you irisblue

so am i. so am i.

[Skittles]

3. I'm so very sorry

I've read your posts about Bekah and she was such a lovely girl.

May I ask, what became of the woman responsible? I don't know how people like that can live with themselves.

[barbtries]

7. She was pled down

from a murder charge to 2 lesser felonies and sentenced to 4 years; she spent a little over 2 years in prison. Because of a friend who knew people who knew her, I learned that she died in approximately 2009 of cancer. We never received one syllable from her expressing remorse for what she did. I think it could have helped our grief journey if we had, but, anyhow. As her father said when i told her she died, "Ten years too late."

[Skittles]

13. oh dear

I think the sentences are stricter now than back then but still not enough......there's really no excuse for drunk driving. And I do agree that any true signs of remorse can help in a grief journey; very sorry you were denied even that.

[barbtries]

14. thanks skittles

[MLAA]

4. Sending warm hugs.

[barbtries]

8. thank you MLAA

it's what we need at times like these.

[SheilaAnn]

5. I am so sorry for your loss. I had a beautiful 23 year old daughter, Casey who died in a car accident in 1993. I hate

that January date...

[barbtries]

9. I'm so sorry.

Last year was a milestone for you - 30 years. I didn't even expect when Bek died that I'd make it this long. How are you??

By the way I love that name, Casey. Always have.

I really try hard not to torment myself but on Bekah's anniversary I feel like sharing this poem I wrote shortly after she died.

today’s paean to why

There's like a why ocean,
from which waves of why
either tease or soak
my grief-addled mind.
During why's high tide,
nearly drowned in why,
The world abounds with why
All I hear is the sound of why
If it tells me it will have to kill me

When why recedes it is still a mystery
Still cannot know it
while I must respect its immense power over me
Riptides of why swamp me regularly
when I'm rolled crazily around in why,
Powerless to dive away from why
Useless to try dominating why.

On the island why I stop to see
How perseverance can still abide in me
On the mainland why I walk the beach
Hope defying why, the why of life
Is easy to see
By my side or inside of me,
Your spirit your love accompanies
With the energy of a wave
that embodies a natural eternity.

[SheilaAnn]

12. How beautiful barbtries. Casey was her nickname (used to grab the bottle like a baseball bat), actually Caroline, my MIL

loved that name (her mother) so why not? She was the baby, I have two older sons who are wonderful to me so we do the best we can. Hoping all is well with you. I'm 84 now and the boys are in their early 60s, and life moseys along. Have a good night.

[MLAA]

15. Sending you warm hugs also.

[SheilaAnn]

16. Thank you so much.

[2naSalit]

6. ...