I just had the scare of my life!

[slightlv]

People don't think what comes out their mouths, I swear!

Wednesday night hubby experienced excruciating chest pains, so we rushed him to the ER. Since we're in a city with no real hospitals any longer, they transferred him to a hospital in the next large city near us. He had a 100% occlusion in one of his stents. I'm thinking the meds they had him on must have dissolved the clot, because they didn't take him into surgery... and the cardio notes just said "aggressive med"... which could mean anything and everything that only a doc could figure out! grrr...

While I was up there today with him, the nurse said there's talk of letting him go home tomorrow. Couldn't find out much from him, he was basically sleeping the whole time I was there. But he's got an excellent nurse who's been with him since the beginning, so I've been thankful for that.

Anyway, tonight while trying to clean the bedroom and arrange things for getting around easier in here, the hospital called. The person (probably an orderly) spoke broken English and was hard to understand. But evidently hubby tried to get out of bed and hit the floor before his feet even touched down. The guy was calling to tell me that he fell, and that he was ok. But for the life of me, going over the conversation, I swear he told me they tried to get to him but he failed. For a hot minute, I thought they were calling to tell me that he'd died. My heart stopped until I finally said, are you telling me he's okay or what?

I guess his pronunciation of "fell" sounded to me like "fail"... or he was telling me he failed to stop him from getting out of bed. I'm not sure which, but it scared the holy hell out of me. Hospitals ought to be a bit more sensitive to this type of thing and who they're assigning to make these calls. I know they passed it over to the orderly in charge of the room... and I know the nurses are extremely busy. But these types of calls need to be made by someone who speaks English clearly. The information they're passing on to us is important... not just a hospital "cover your butt" policy, IMO.

I'm working on the assumption this won't change his schedule... supposedly he didn't break anything or get hurt. I'm looking forward to having him back home... as is his puppy dog! But that opens another full can of worms for me. He HATES taking his meds and fights me about it. But I know he must have skipped some of them for this clot to form. Grandson half jokingly said something about mashing up the pills in his food to make sure he gets them. I hadn't reached that far into ideas... but it's in the back of my mind!

He's 74 and falling deeper into dementia. Lately he's become belligerent, which is so NOT his personality. I'm trying to ignore the words and actions and take care of him... but anyone have any advice? I'm all ears!

I've reached out to the counselor from my doc's med group. That was for me and my anxiety and depression in trying to care of him. Haven't heard back, but it's at least 6 telemed sessions free of charge, and they don't charge my insurance, either. Sounded too good to pass up for when I feel I'm at a total loss... like I'm feeling right now... I love the man to pieces. I know what it means to have a soul mate, but sometimes, I swear....!

[marble falls]

1. I'm 75. I've already decided to ask for a dementia test at my next apt in July. ...

... My folks kept my grandfather with them and it required putting security screen doors in with alarms. I do not want to put that on my dear wife who is 79. I've already told her when taking care of me is too much, she is to put me into the old sailors home.

I have some idea of what you are going through and I pray for you to have the strength to put yourself first.

[oldsoldierfadingfast]

8. Ah, my dear Marble ...

Not to worry! I've read some of your posts - your sometimes warped sense of humor will keep you sane for years to come. I know; because mine is as warped as yours and it has got me thru to 86. I can still read EKGs. Two months ago, my PCP wrote a glowing letter to present to the County Court as to my sanity. Yes, I can't get words that I want to use to pass thru the synapses from my brain to my tongue, I mispronounce words that I know very well. I put things away and forget where they are; but I can laugh about it - it is NOT me - it is my age. Laughter IS sometimes the best medicine.

I'm willing to betcha that your wife would never put you in the old sailor's home - she would say it was less trouble for her to keep you at home than to have to get up every morning, get dressed and go to spend the day with you, then get back home to sleep before repeating the next day!

It sounds as if you and she are a great, caring couple.

[LoisB]

2. I wish you and your husband strength for your journey.

[DFW]

3. About 15 years ago I also had a full stent occlusion.

It was absolutely due to not taking my meds. But that had been intentional. I was due for a colonoscopy, and the instruction sheet for that said to cease taking any blood-thinning medicine ten days before the colonoscopy. After my trip to the ER and the next day angioplasty to clear out the stent, the cardiologist raised hell with the colonoscopy clinic. It seems the artery-clogging white platelets, whose regeneration is inhibited by blood thinners, need about ten days to reach a level where they can fully block an artery if the patient stops taking the meds. One baby aspirin a day is usually enough. I noticed that five years later, when I returned for my next colonoscopy, the instruction sheet said to go off the blood thinning med for five days, not ten. The cadio team said zero was preferable, but five days was probably not dangerous.

It’s astounding to me how one patient’s experience can affect a whole area of medicine. This is not my first time.

About 30 years ago, I had an outer ear infection (pseudomonas) that just would not go away. I was in the USA at the time. One of the treatments I was prescribed was to periodically rinse the affected ear with vinegar and some alcohol solution they gave me. One time, I got distracted, forgot the alcohol until hours later. Less than two hours after that, the two green lumps fell out of my ear, and the infection was gone. I went back to the clinic to tell them what happened, and asked if maybe the opposite pH factors of the vinegar and alcohol weren’t canceling each other out, and turning the simultaneous combination effectively into just water. The docs looked like a light bulb had just lit up, and said that made perfect sense, and they couldn’t believe no one had thought of that. It apparently made the JAMA (!!!). Even the docs who know everything don’t always know everything. Sometimes they need an ignorant patient like me to help them out.

[slightlv]

5. I was really surprised they didn't do an angio with a dx of

100% occlusion! But, having lost my Dad in a situation similar to hubby's, I wasn't going to holler too much. If meds will do the trick, I'd rather that than surgery. It's just a bear to get him to take the meds on a timely schedule. Mom used to hide her in the sofa cushions, I discovered. I had a tuxedo cat that used to hide the pills I gave her in her cheeks and then drop them behind the sofa when I wasn't looking. Honestly!!! The ingenuity just to NOT take a pill! (LOL)

[DFW]

7. Getting some elderly people to take meds is apparently a chore.

My wife had that problem with her mom, though not until she was past 90.

My wife sometimes claims I’ve had dementia for the last 40 years, but it seems to have stabilized early. I have read that continual intellectual stimulation can help stave off deterioration. At 74, I still work full time, and speak nine (ten, if you count Schwyzerdüütsch) languages that I all use for my job. I’m also slowly learning Polish and Tagalog. With other languages, it’s definitely use it or lose it.

[BaronChocula]

10. Shouldn't you be resting?

Sounds like you're recovering well. Good to hear.

[niyad]

4. Holding you and your husband in light and love. Vibes for strength

and healing for both of you. First, take the idea of crushing his meds into his food seriously. Neither one of you needs the stress of fighting to give him his meds, which battle is only going to get worse. Second, please find a support group with which you feel comfortable, whether in person or online. Counseling is helpful, but so is support from those going through the same things you are. Third, PLEASE remember to take care of yourself. You are going through so much right now. Check with your insurance provider, the local senior center, or your church, if you are a member of one, for respite care providers. They are a true blessing.

Fourth, someone is always here. Lean as hard as you need.

huggggs

[slightlv]

6. Thanks, niyad...

I have approached the Council on Aging here, but maybe because it's such a little town and filled with retired officer types, I just didn't feel comfortable. And I found that unusual, as I generally find it easy to strike up a conversation with anyone. I'm hoping this counselor can give me some clues to other groups in the area.

For now, one of my coven sibs who's wife is in pretty bad shape (she's one of my best friends) is checking in with me each day to tell me how she's doing and to see if I need any help. It's funny how that little text message at about the same time each night gives me something to look forward to, and makes my heart feel a little lighter when I read it. And, thank goodness, his wife seems to be recovering well...

I lean on DU more than I probably ought to, but I really don't have anyone else around to "let it all hang out" when I've reached that point, ya know? Was talking to my SIL yesterday, and actually broke down crying while on the phone with her. I miss her so bad... and I think I just miss that physical touch from someone who knows and cares. Being retired really shrinks your social circle, something for which I was not prepared.

[BaronChocula]

9. Having someone convey medical information

with a strong accent can be frustrating. Medicine is one place you want to the most clarity.

[oldsoldierfadingfast]

11. There is help out there ...

Check with your counties social service dept. In our county we have Elder Care - a group who can advise you on med./legal/social etc. issues. We also have a group of volunteers that come to your home to sit with Alz. pts. so that the caretaker can have some time off.
At one point my PCP offered me home help paid for by medicare. The same may apply for his care and that would remove some of the burden from you.
Some churches offer help.

It may be hard for you to accept right now, but at some point you are going to have to think of yourself first and do what is best for you. It may sound selfish, but it is in his best interest - What would happen to him if you were unable to see to his needs?
Be honest with yourself - when you feel you can no longer care for him at home without causing detriment to you, find a place that can care for him - and do it without guilt on your part. (That is easier said than done - I have been there with two uncles that I loved.)

Loving him as you do makes this harder for you than for him as parts of him are no longer there. You are only human and there is only so much that humans can do. (Accepting this fact is also hard to do.)
My heart goes out to you for what you are going through. Keep in the back of you mind that we (DU) care about you. Prayers.