I'm on the shit list
So, todays my sisters bday. I did text her. No TY or word yet. Me complaing too much about my "partner" ( who's drinking wine today) caused a rift, also my sister is not a safe person to share with. I'm sad bc my cousin skipped my surgery and bday.
So, my cousin is wishing my sister a happy bd on her timeline. Didn't do that for me. Wishing others left and right. I feel like absolute shit. This on top of other problems. I wan't too keep my fb but social media is bad for my mental health.
I thought they had my back. When i said something about help if i bc homeless w my cousin, i didn't get a yes. She has a large house. According to my sister, my partner is just yelling at me and not beating me. But when i said i may enter a shelter my cousin just said yeah.
My life is very unpleasant. I told my therapist I'm ready to just leave earth just to get out off this morass. I'm so alone.
= new reply since forum marked as read
You don't need to be in a noose to call 988. Even if you have those feelings (which I, myself, have from time to time) there's someone to talk to on the other end.
You have friends on DU that would miss you. Remember that. 
As the election nears, I'm thinking of bumping that up to once-a-week.
It's good to come here and talk, though.
Or the birthday she gave me a 'slap chop' device she got at a closeout discount ($5). I was at her house when my sister stopped by, on her birthday, and she got a card with a generous check inside.
Right now I'm struggling to get the house ready for out of town guests while also keeping a close eye on a very clingy little kitten. My riding mower is out of commission and my lawn desperately needs mowing. It's a big lot so there's no way I have the energy to cut the grass with a push mower. Everyone knows this but no one has offered to help until I, just now, sent a desperate text to my brother. It's hard going through life as nobody's priority.
Little Merlin is taking up a lot of my energy, the election is causing a lot of stress and anxiety, and I'm in no shape for guests.
So I empathize with you, but urge you to never give up. I've lost so many people - both friends and family - over the past 10 years and constantly ask why am I the one still here. There is a reason, of course, but sometimes it's hard to see or remember.
Remember that your DU friends are always here for you.
